Secrets and Friends

Escorting can make for a lonely lifestyle. I have never had an abundance of friends; I am close to a small group of people, none of whom know each other, most of whom do not even live in the same state as I do. I have a couple local girlfriends with whom I speak fairly frequently, but sometimes it can be difficult talking to them since most of the stories I want to tell revolve around clients, the business, and how it is affecting my current decisions and daily schedule.

I notice that, with these friends, I end up talking at great length about very minor events in my life. If I were listening to someone else hash over the minutiae that I do, I would be rolling my eyes and making an excuse to go wash my hair. I exaggerate my relationship with Redford in order to "fit in" -- these girls all have significant others and should I remain without one for too long, they will begin to try setting me up.

Before Redford, I would mention to friends every once in awhile that I had a date with so-and-so, that I met a great doctor, and so on, but I cannot use this situational facade too frequently. If I were really dating as frequently as I go to appointments, they would want to meet the man in question, or they would begin to question me if I revealed that my dates were with so many different men.

The awkwardness of not truly being able to discuss my life makes me shy away from the local friends I do have. I have never had a truly great imagination, and I am horrible at telling lies. So fabricating story after story about how I spend my time is out of the question. I try to play up the developments in my legitimate small business, and hope those who know me believe what I say.

Visiting those friends who do live elsewhere is somewhat tricky, as the smart move would be to advertise and take appointments in those cities that I visit. This means I have to plan being in town a couple days without telling my friends, and, potentially, that I have to schedule appointments around the time I am visiting with them. Hotel arrangements are often covert since friends believe I am in town solely to see them and they would not dream of me spending money on a hotel -- most of them know that I am in a financial bind (remember, that is the reason I began escorting).

Girls that I have met who are in the business are just as tricky. I do not trust them, nice and sweet as they seem. I give out fake names and ages, worry that I am revealing too much about myself to them, wonder if I should be sharing business information with them.

That leaves only this journal as a method for me to release the feelings and thoughts I have about what I do. And as much as I originally wanted to chronicle the ins and outs of the appointments I have, it is getting more difficult to do so without feeling as though I am revealing more than I should. The more I disguise them, the less benefit this really has for me. And as always, I worry about being discovered through the journal. My only consolation, which I have begun to realize, is that most of the men I see are so engrossed with their professional pursuits that they really do not have time to browse online and read blogs. This is certainly one advantage of moving away from "hobbyist" clientele.