A Decision Is Made

I know I have been absent as of late. I have been struggling a bit with the Redford situation, but I think my turmoil has abated.

I have still been taking appointments, though not many. I have not been going out of my way to advertise, but I also do not feel the conflict that I did a month or two ago about taking appointments.

Basically I have made a decision and I have chosen the business over Redford. I hate to say it so bluntly, but this is the truth. I am not sure whether Redford is not the man I had hoped, or if I really am not meant to be in a committed relationship right now. We are still together, but he wanted to take things slowly and I have just been letting it crawl along. Such a pace is not at all conducive to passion, and in my opinion, slightly counterproductive to the formation of intimacy. Luckily, the passion quota is being fulfilled by my business escapades. Intimacy, we shall see where that goes.

I still believe he is a great man and would make an excellent husband and father; I am just not sure whether that is what I am looking for now.

At the same time, my original conflict when this situation began must mean there is a glimmer of romanticism in me somewhere. I harbor visions of a family, of a committed and loving relationship somewhere inside me. Yet, when the possibility arises, I lose all interest in making it a reality. The allure of the adventure of being with different men beckons so strongly. Or is it that the threat of commitment scares me away? Maybe I just realized I did not like Redford as much as I thought I did. Honeymoon periods always end, do they not?

Oh, I do not know. I am skimming details; the situation is not so cold as that. The Redford saga is not nearly over yet, but as far as its relationship to my escorting, I think I will not be talking about him nearly as much.