diary of the call girl next door

I'm a pretty simple girl who has taken up escorting to help pay off school debts. I know that I catch eyes on the street, but I see myself as the girl next door. Or, more accurately, the girl in the apartment next to you who happens to be a call girl. Here is where I try to keep track of my evolution in the industry.

Friday, July 07, 2006

A Simple Fact

Before I started escorting, I often felt guilty and sometimes used after having casual sex with someone. I enjoyed sex, but rarely had an emotional attachment to go along with it. And so, I did what men wanted because it pleased them, and I took what I wanted that pleased me. I used and was used and I hated the whole mindset that was involved.

Do not misunderstand me. I was getting as well as I gave. I wanted it too. Sexual release was my only goal; emotional attachment was the enemy. Still, it all felt wrong.

Now put money into the equation. Magically, cash erases all my negative feelings about these situations. Approaching sex as a business actually lightens my emotional load (no pun intended). I do not feel guilt about accepting money for my time and sex, certainly not the guilt I felt after a "walk of shame" to my car from some guy's house, or after waking someone up and kicking him out of my bed in the morning.

I may go so far as to say I feel empowered. I am afraid to give this feeling up for anything less than the most mind-blowing relationship on earth. And who can guarantee, or even realistically offer, that? I do not see it happening. Especially when I am not sure I am capable of accepting and contributing to such an opportunity.