Getting Bored

Bored probably is not the correct term. Disillusioned? No, I do not think this is correct either. But I am not as engrossed in escorting as I imagined I might be by this point. Part of it is Robert Redford; I find myself holding a lot back because of his presence in my life. Part of it is just the boredom that sets in once the novelty of anything I do wears off.

I really did not want to go to tonight's appointment. It had been planned several weeks in advance and was an extended engagement, so I really could not cancel (plus, I have been counting on the money for this month's income). As I sat at home awaiting the time frame when I would start getting ready, I felt such extreme apathy about the date that I was almost startled at myself.

Getting ready and making my way to the appointment site felt like pure ritual. Perhaps because casual attire was requested -- I prefer dressing up, as it feels more like a special occasion and less like work.

When I met my date, I was on, but as usual, in the middle of sex, I became pensive. Snapped out of "call girl" mode and into "girl next door" mode. I wished it were Robert Redford I was with. I thought about how much I dislike certain types of sex, and whether it really was worth it to be laying on my back taking a severe pounding from someone who, for all intents and purposes, was a stranger. Granted, we had spent a good 90 minutes chatting and relaxing over wine before we got down to business, but realistically we were strangers to each other.

Then I thought about the money I had sitting in my bag and realized that as of today, all my bills for the month are accounted for. I do not need to take another appointment this month if I so choose. On the other hand, I feel as though I should cram in as much work as possible before things get serious with Robert Redford, as I have a feeling they will.