Can I Date?

The man I recently met has definitely gotten my attention. I have seen him a couple times since last week, brief visits that have left me craving more time with him. And, for once, I am taking it slow.

The idea of taking appointments while I am seeing him is not what is bothering me at this point. It is the idea of having to be somewhat accountable for my time to another person. He (to whom I have yet to give a name) and I have not slept together yet, so maybe my point of view will change, but currently I consider my job and whatever is happening with him to be completely separate parts of my life. I would like to keep it that way.

I am feeling uptight about this because he asked me tonight what my schedule was like over the next week. "Let's see," I thought, "one appointment tomorrow afternoon, one rescheduled appointment tomorrow evening -- the one whose cancellation today allowed you and I to spend time together tonight, two possible appointments awaiting verification the next couple days, and one final confirmed appointment on Thursday morning."

What I actually said was, "Well, I'm busy Monday night, but other than that I should be pretty free." Not true, but easier to say.

This becomes a problem because he does not have a 9-to-5 office job. He has a lot of discretionary time during the day. He knows that I "work from home", so if we begin to spend time together, how do I explain all the work I do away from home?

Clearly I am jumping the gun. I cannot even say that we are dating, but the connection we have is something strong enough to give me pause. It is just that I am enjoying my relatively newfound freedom and current financial gains, and I do not want to ruin it. By the same token, I have to weigh what I really want out of my life as a whole, something I have been touching on and repressing in my mind for quite some time now. Financial solvency is only a short-term goal. The time is fast approaching when I will be forced to face the music and re-evaluate my life.